The Most Important Things

Surprisingly, the most important things I learned on my trip to Costa Rica were not about monkey behavior or water composition. I learned things that not only increased my knowledge; they increased my ability to learn, to investigate. Costa Rica was the ideal classroom setting. Most classrooms have lecturing and testing day in and day out. This trip provided something different: interactive learning. We got to be the teachers and students: inquiring, providing solutions, helping to discover things that aren't in a textbook. To learn by doing is infinitely more fulfilling than to learn by listening. Most important, however, were the things I learned about myself.

I learned a lot about myself on this trip. I found out that I am a biology nerd and there really are people out there that I won't bore with all of my biology talk. I was able to inquire into things that interested me, things that other people might not know, and I was given the chance to find the answers on my own. I found something I would be happy to wake up in the morning to do. I want to discover something new. I would be more than willing to give up a job that would make me rich to experience the thrill of thinking through a problem and finding a plausible answer. I found out that I could live without stress, without money, without the superhuman pace of American society. When you are reduced to only a few belongings, what is really important is not hidden by all of the material goods of this fast paced life. I found that I could live without a lot of things like the mall, a car, and movies, but I couldn't live without my family and friends. For entertainment in Costa Rica we talked, and talked, and talked and never got bored. We didn't even mention the TV or how there was nothing to do and things were so dull. (Chocolate, however, I am not willing to give up. You can't take away everything!) It was wonderful to walk through the forest and take time to breath and look around me. It really was a calming experience and when I am calm, I can function better. Questions and ideas poured out of me and I had a great time trying to answer those questions.

I felt as though I belonged there; it was my niche. I didn't feel inadequate; I knew that it was ok if I wasn't a speed demon, if I wasn't a toothpick model, if I didn't wear cool clothing. I could be myself and not be afraid of being looked down upon. I didn't even need a man to have an identity. I was Michelle . . . the little girl that got excited over tarantulas and bats. The girl that liked to ask questions. The quiet one that liked to laugh and discuss what was in the monkey poop that day. I like trees and don't really like to drive. And that was ok. It was ok to be myself. That was really a profound insight considering the insecurity of America.

Down there I was at peace. Up here I am constantly having hissy fits because I don't have enough time to finish things that I hate doing. I suppose I wouldn't have as much stress if I didn't procrastinate, but I procrastinate because I'm not happy with this lifestyle. My ideal pace is too slow for most people. For that reason I will probably be chewed up and spit out by most jobs that I could get in urban centers. Costa Ricans do things slower than Americans and are more relaxed in their lifestyle. For a lot of Americans, this can be frustrating, but I feel healthier in that kind of atmosphere. I don't feel like I'm developing ulcers and migraines. I'm not in a hurry because I realize I have time. I'd rather take longer to do something and do it well than to do it fast and not do a good job. Now if I could just learn to do it fast and well, then everything would be perfect, but I guess that's just something that comes with age. Or not. Either way, I don't want to be giving myself ulcers and tearing my hair out and getting into massive debt just so I can get out of school and give myself more ulcers and lose the rest of my hair and get into even more debt. I'll beat myself up for a couple years, but I better be guaranteeing myself a life where I have enough room to breath.

I learned that it was kind of fun to say, "I don't know" because you could usually follow that with, "Well, why don't we go find out?" They always say curiosity killed the cat, but I think it's the only thing that keeps me alive. Of course, I have no more need to be famous than I do to be rich. This trail of questions and answers is for me only, to satisfy my curiosity and fulfill my life. I found out what floats my boat on this trip and that may be the most important lesson anyone could learn in his or her life. Some people know it from the day they were born; some take a lifetime to figure it out. I happened on my special recipe for happiness with a little luck and a lot of help from my friends and family.